About me

I work as a family therapist with couples, families and individuals. I am particularly interested in the patterns that shape our relationships, especially those that keep repeating even when we would rather do things differently. I love this work. It is a rare privilege to be invited into another person’s inner world. Sometimes a therapist is simply a steady, supportive presence — someone with whom you can speak openly, without having to hold back. At other times, the therapist is more of a guide, helping you make sense of what is happening within you and between you and others and, when needed, to find new ways of thinking, behaving and relating.

When life or relationship difficulties have pulled partners apart, or when every conversation seems to end in conflict, a family therapist can sometimes act as a neutral interpreter — helping each person hear what the other is trying to say and move closer to mutual understanding.

I have been a member of the Estonian Association for Family Therapy since 2007 (Family Therapist Level 7; professional qualification certificate No. 221200), and I work in accordance with the EAFT Code of Ethics.

Professional background

Family therapy and psychology

• 1998–present — private practice in family therapy
• 1998–1999 — internship in the first-episode psychosis unit, Tallinn Psychiatric Hospital
• 1999 — trainer, Psychosocial Rehabilitation Centre for People with Severe Mental Illness
• 2001–2003 — family therapist, Raasiku Municipality
• 2017–2021 — creator and host of Vikerraadio’s programme on family life and relationships, Peresaade
• 2018–2025 — columnist, Edasi
• 2022–present — columnist, Eesti Naine
• 2025–present — host of the Estonian Association for Schema Therapy podcast Becoming Myself

Education and continuing professional development

• 1977–1988 — Tallinn Secondary School No. 21
• 1988–1993 — University of Tartu, MA in Humanities
• 1995–2000 — School of Professional Psychology, psychological counsellor
• 1998–2001 — training in family psychotherapy, family therapist

Psychological work both allows and requires lifelong learning. Over the years, I have completed many further training courses — too many to list here. Some of the longer and particularly formative ones include mindfulness training in 2016 and self-compassion training in 2019 with Anni Kuusik, couples schema therapy training with Eckhard Roediger in 2021, introductory training in motivational interviewing in 2022, and schema therapy training in 2024–2025.

Other professional experience

• 1991–1996 — Estonian Business School, lecturer in English
• 1995–1996 — Tallinn Song Festival Grounds, project manager

Public and community involvement

• 2006–2018 — partner at Heateo Foundation (The Good Deed Foundation)
• 2007–2011 — member of the parent board at Rocca al Mare School

Books

Writing has always been one of the ways I make sense of the themes I encounter in my work and in life. In recent years, much of that writing has taken the form of articles and audio programmes. Some themes, however, have asked for more space and have become books.

In 2015, my first book, The Art of Being a Woman, was published. It explores a woman’s inner world through four archetypal figures: the girl, the lover, the homemaker and the queen. How much of each lives in us? What happens when one takes up too much room, or another too little? What are their lighter and darker sides? And how might we become more conscious of the way they shape our choices, relationships and sense of ourselves? My thinking — and some of my views on life — has continued to evolve since I wrote the book, so there will be no further reprints of this book.

In 2016, Kärgpere A year later, I turned to a very different subject in Kärgpere käsiraamat (Stepfamily Handbook). In a culture that encourages us to keep searching for happiness, second partnerships and stepfamilies have become increasingly common. In my work as a family therapist, I have too often seen one parent pushed to the margins of a child’s life after separation — sometimes through the actions of the other parent, sometimes through distance or withdrawal. The child is the one who carries the cost, and their sense of self and self-worth can suffer.

In 2017, I created Aasta eredad hetked. 5 aasta logiraamat (A Year of Bright Moments: A Five-Year Journal). It is a guided journal for capturing the people, experiences and moments that made a year what it was. Once a year, it can be surprisingly valuable to stop and notice what might otherwise slip away: the joys and disappointments, what you learnt, who mattered most, what changed and what surprised you.

You can name a Person of the Year — and, if necessary, a Thorn of the Year. And who was the newcomer of the year? Where did you travel? What do you want to remember before the details begin to fade? A year can still feel vivid while you are living close to it; five years later, much of it may already have softened or disappeared. Reading an old entry can therefore become a small meeting with an earlier version of yourself.

For seven years, I wrote a regular column for the magazine Edasi. In 2022, the magazine brought together a selection of those essays in the collection Miks meil paarisuhet ikka nii väga vaja on? (Why Do We Need Romantic Relationships So Much?).