The Art of Being a Woman
This book grew out of a wish to put into words that inner world which so often guides our feelings, choices and relationships without our even noticing it.
In this book, I look at a woman’s inner world through metaphors – archetypes. The Girl, the Lover, the Homemaker and the Queen are not ideals to strive towards, but patterns of being – different ways of being present in life and in relationships. When they are in balance, they support us. When they are not, or when shadow archetypes become dominant, life too begins to lose its balance.
This is not a step-by-step guide to becoming “better”, but a description of a journey – a chance to notice how our inner patterns take shape and how they affect our relationships and our sense of self.
A note to the reader. This book was written more than ten years ago. Some of my views have changed and continued to develop since then. Many expressions – such as “powerful woman”, “feminine power”, “primeval woman”, and the like – have become overused over the years and lost much of their original meaning. It is also worth noting that I use the words “woman” and “man” in a more archetypal sense – they refer to qualities and inner patterns, not narrowly to biological sex.
“Deep feminine power begins with how a woman relates to herself. With knowing her own worth. With self-respect. With self-love. With a love of life.”
The deep undercurrents of a woman’s inner world – those that guide her thoughts, feelings and behaviour – may be called female archetypes. Every woman carries this archetypal palette from birth; it is as though she were born with a code for being a woman, one that should allow for a full and vivid life. Healthy archetypes make a woman strong; shadow archetypes diminish her. A healthy archetype is balanced. And yet balance is sometimes difficult to find and difficult to keep – especially when life itself is hard. A woman may lean too far in either direction: she may overexpress a certain energy, or, on the contrary, lack the inner strength, courage or capacity to embody it at all. The result is the dominance of immature shadow archetypes in a woman’s psychological life. As a family therapist, I see every day how these patterns shape our relationships and our choices.
The archetypes – the Girl, the Lover, the Homemaker and the Queen – show themselves in different areas of a woman’s life. The Girl brings emotional vitality, joy, playfulness, movement, dance and sport. Through the sensual Lover, a woman comes into contact with the pleasures of life. The Homemaker tends to family relationships, the home, order, and the care of her own inner world. The Queen reveals herself in a woman’s sense of worth and in her ability to express her views clearly and boldly. The more at home a woman is in all four archetypes, the more easily she can meet the many situations life brings.
When archetypes cannot be expressed in their healthy form, shadow archetypes step onto the stage. Living in them for too long becomes exhausting – both for the woman herself and for those around her. What causes a woman to lose contact with her healthy archetypes? Which archetypes are needed for relationships to thrive? Which shadow archetypes almost guarantee that she will become trapped in negative emotions?
The Art of Being a Woman leads the reader towards the angels and demons of a woman’s psyche – her archetypes and shadow archetypes. It does so in the hope that, by becoming aware of the shadow side and giving healthier archetypes room to be expressed, a woman may begin to see herself from a new angle and, in that sense, reshape her life.
Who this book is for
This book may speak to you if:
- you notice yourself repeating similar patterns in relationships
- you want to understand your emotions and reactions more clearly
- you are looking for a deeper connection with yourself or someone close to you
- or you simply want to look at your inner world from a new angle